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The bar chart below illustrates the use of tobacco products by secondary school students in the United states.

The bar chart below illustrates the use of tobacco products by secondary school students in the United states. NKXN
The bar graph show the secondary school students utilized tobacco products in the USA. Overall, it can be clearly seen that High school students more use Any Tobacco products While, they use small amount of pipes. To begin with, High school students utilized Any types of Tobacco product higher 35%, To contrast, Middle school students use Lowest amount around 13%. Cigarettes and Cigars use Highest approximately 27% and 15% from High schools, While, Middle school students used lowest percentage around below to 10%, respectively. Moreover, Kreteks make use of around 5% from High school, Whereas, 3% used it Middle school students. On the other hand, Pipes and Bidis used similarly at 2% of Middle school students. Furthermore, 3% Pipes used by High school students but Bidis used higher around 4%.
The bar graph
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show
the secondary
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school
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students
utilized tobacco products in the USA.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
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seen
that
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High
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more
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use
Any Tobacco products While, they
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use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of pipes. To
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begin
with,
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High
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school
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students
utilized Any types of Tobacco product higher 35%, To contrast,
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Middle
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Lowest".
Lowest
amount
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around
13%. Cigarettes and Cigars
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use
Highest approximately 27% and 15% from
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High
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schools
, While,
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Middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
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used
lowest percentage
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around
below to 10%,
respectively
.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kreteks
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make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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around
5% from
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High
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school
, Whereas, 3%
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used
it
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Middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
On the other hand
, Pipes and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bidis
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used
similarly
at 2% of
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Middle
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school
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students
.
Furthermore
, 3% Pipes
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used
by
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High
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bidis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
4%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below illustrates the use of tobacco products by secondary school students in the United states.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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