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The bar chart above compares 10 to 15-years teenagers in terms of spending time on the internet and playing on games console on an average school day in the UK.

The bar chart above compares 10 to 15-years teenagers in terms of spending time on the internet and playing on games console on an average school day in the UK. MqDgk
The bar chart above compares 10 to 15-years teenagers in terms of spending time on the internet and playing on games console on an average school day in the UK. In general, times spent playing games of students were marginally more popular than talking online for both boys and girls. However, completely different orientations can be seen if we look at specific figures As can be seen in the chart, the purpose of chatting on the Internet saw mostly in girls, nearly 70% of them used it more than 4 hours, 1-3 hours for the Internet was comprised of 60%. Over a half of boys spent more than 4 hours chatting, about 65%. All students who used the internet for chatting for less than 1 hour saw a roughly similar proportion in boys and girls. Additionally, boys were expected the first place of wasting much time on games, almost all of them consumed over 4 hours playing games on a console ( nearly 90%); nearly double of that in girls. Half of the girls played games for 1 -3 hours, whereas over 70% of boys did the same thing.
The bar chart above compares 10 to 15-years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in terms of spending time on the internet and playing on
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games
console on an average school day in the UK.

In general
, times spent playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
of students were
marginally
more popular than talking online for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
However
, completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
orientations can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
if we look at specific figures

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the chart, the purpose of chatting on the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
mostly
in
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girls
,
nearly
70% of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it more than 4
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hours
, 1-3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for the Internet
Did you mean "comprised" or "consisted of" or "was composed of"?
was comprised of
60%. Over a half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spent more than 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
chatting, about 65%. All students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for chatting for less than 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a roughly similar proportion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

Additionally
,
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boys
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
the
first
place of wasting much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, almost all of them consumed over 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a console
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
nearly
90%);
nearly
double of that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Half of the
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girls
played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for 1 -3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, whereas over 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
did the same thing.
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IELTS academic The bar chart above compares 10 to 15-years teenagers in terms of spending time on the internet and playing on games console on an average school day in the UK.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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