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The online retail shopping

The online retail shopping lXOwW
The pie charts provide the information on the online shopping sales of retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. The travel products is the most popular sales online in both 2003 and 2013 in order even though it has dropped in 2013. At the same time, film and music and book retail goods has increased from 21% and 29% to 33% and 22%. However, the cloths has a slight reduction from 24% to 16%. In conclusion, the travel and clothes sectors have decreased, but the film and music and books are more popular in 2013 in New Zealand.
The pie charts provide the information on the online shopping sales of retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. The travel products is the most popular sales online in both 2003 and 2013 in order
even though
it has dropped in 2013. At the same time, film and music and book retail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
has increased from 21% and 29% to 33% and 22%.
However
, the cloths has a slight reduction from 24% to 16%.
In conclusion
, the travel and clothes sectors have decreased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the film and music and books are more popular in 2013 in New Zealand.
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IELTS academic The online retail shopping

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
100 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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