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The bar below shows the information about consumption of the transports from 1960 to 2000.

The bar below shows the information about consumption of the transports from 1960 to 2000. eRPbV
The bar chart compares various figures of transportation used for several purposes in period of four decades. As being illustrated in this chart, the percentage of car's usage saw a gradual rise during this period, whereas others fell considerably. Over the two-year period between 1960 and 1980, the most chosen transport by commuters were on foot in 1960 and by bus in 1980. In 1960 the other famous modes were bike with the number of roughly in four percentage and bus with about 20%, car's displayed the lowest point. In 1980 another two means of transportation commuted popularly were car with just over 20% and bike with the quantity of 20% correspondingly, while the fame of walking on foot significantly declined. During the end of the period of 40 years, the preference of car transportation had an enormous climb of 35% from overall 40%, whereas the percentage of bike presented a dramatical fall. Regardsto the rest types, the results of foot and bus transportation mode were higher than bike, namely, the first with approximately 10% and the second with the number of less than a fifth percentage.
The bar chart compares various figures of
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transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for several purposes in
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period
of four decades.

As
being illustrated
in this chart, the
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percentage
of car's usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual rise during this
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period
, whereas others fell
considerably
.

Over the two-year
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period
between 1960 and 1980, the most chosen transport by commuters were on foot in 1960 and by bus in 1980. In 1960 the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
modes were
Consider using a past participle here: "biked".
bike
with the number of roughly in four
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percentage
and
Possible agreement error. The noun 'bus' seems to be countable, so consider using: "buses", "busses".
bus
with about 20%, car's displayed the lowest point. In 1980 another two means of
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transportation
commuted
popularly
were car with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 20% and
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bike
with the quantity of 20%
correspondingly
, while the fame of walking on foot
significantly
declined.

During the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 40 years, the preference of car
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transportation
had an enormous climb of 35% from
overall
40%, whereas the
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percentage
of
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bike
presented a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
fall.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Regardsto
the rest types, the results of foot and bus
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transportation
mode were higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
,
namely
, the
first
with approximately 10% and the second with the number of less than a fifth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
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IELTS academic The bar below shows the information about consumption of the transports from 1960 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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