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the attitude of crowd on sale

the attitude of crowd on sale rGeD6
The pie chart describes the results of survey, between 1997 and 2006 in which humans were asked to buy how their behavior became In short, Between 1997 and 2006 years the attitude on sale was almost raised between a few years. Namely it improved to better toward in 2006. It is essential to mention that the most important thing or service was raised with acutely. Put forward and dealing with people was increased. Unfortunately, selling products to a customer were decreased. From my point of view If the quality of products is good, It will be better extant of selling than worthless things. Such as, The amount of the knowledge of products were more than a third. But its percentage was changed to higher with slowly. That is percent of knowledge of products in 1997 became almost two fifths in 2006. Selling a thing was a quarter. Because people in 1997 years were interested in new things or products and they bought anything although what they were like. But in 2006 the Mind of people improved and they bought things or products which they need. It is easy to understand if you advise more information about a thing which Customers or clients were going to buy, it may bring that your customer to decide faster. So in 1997 Advising and caring for customers were more than a third and that percentage was changed to less than two fifths in 2006. It is clear that Population in 1997 years were rich but not all of them. For instance poor or average humans were very a lot, so sellers had to deal with them. Because they had a little money to buy something, In 1997, Dealing with populace was three fifths, but poor crowd increased, so in 2006 years this quantity became two thirds.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the results of survey, between 1997 and 2006 in which humans
were asked
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
how their behavior became

In short, Between 1997 and 2006 years the attitude on sale was almost raised between a few years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Namely
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to better toward in 2006. It is essential to mention that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing or service
was raised
with
acutely
. Put forward and dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was increased
. Unfortunately, selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
were decreased
.

From my point of view If the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, It will be better extant of selling than worthless things. Such as, The amount of the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
were more than a third.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
its percentage was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to higher with
slowly
.
That is
percent of knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in 1997 became almost two fifths in 2006. Selling a thing was a quarter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 1997 years
were interested
in new things or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
anything although what they were like.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 2006 the Mind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improved and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
things or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they need.

It is easy to understand if you advise more information about a thing which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Customers
or clients were going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, it may bring that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
to decide faster.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in 1997 Advising and caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
were more than a third and that percentage was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to less than two fifths in 2006. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Population in 1997 years were rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all of them.
For instance
poor or average humans were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
a lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sellers had to deal with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something, In 1997, Dealing with populace was three fifths,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
poor crowd increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in 2006 years this quantity became two thirds.
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IELTS academic the attitude of crowd on sale

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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