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the amount of time in a day that children spend watching television

the amount of time in a day that children spend watching television Jqm2w
The line graph represents the amount of time in a day that children spend watching television in a 60-year-period; between 1950 and 2010. Overall, the trend of the graph significantly increased in the first half of the study course but tends to drop in the last few decades. A gradually increasing curve can be found in the first decade of the study. The number of hours watching TV reached 1 hour a day in the mid-1970s. Then this figure grew rapidly in the next 15 years, resulting in as much as 4 hours of TV being watched by kids. However, in the latter half of the study, the number of hours fluctuated between just above 4 hours and slightly below 3 hours. A drop figure can be seen in the year 1987. Anyway, the trend of this line graph is going down and the last figure being shown results in just 3 and a half hours spending on television.
The line graph represents the amount of time in a day that children spend watching television in a 60-year-period; between 1950 and 2010.
Overall
, the trend of the graph
significantly
increased in the
first
half of the study course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
tends to drop in the last few decades.

A
gradually
increasing curve can
be found
in the
first
decade of the study. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
watching TV reached 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
a day in the mid-1970s. Then this figure grew
rapidly
in the
next
15 years, resulting in as much as 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of TV being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by kids.
However
, in the latter half of the study, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
fluctuated between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
slightly
below 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. A drop figure can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the year 1987. Anyway, the trend of this line graph is going down and the last figure
being shown
results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
3 and a half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
spending on television.
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IELTS academic the amount of time in a day that children spend watching television

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
159 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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