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inquiries reaching hotel through various methods

inquiries reaching hotel through various methods GJ0PQ
The line chart illustrates the amount of inquiries reached in three ways (in person, by letter or email and by telephone) for a Tourist Information Office in a city over a period of six months in year 2011. Overall, the number of inquiries received increased over the time in person and by telephone whereas dcreased by letter or email. In January, the highest number of inquiries were reached through the telephone which was around 900. It dropped in 100 in February and reached 1000 in March that remained steady till April. Then it grew up significantly up to 1400 in May and reached the peak in June which was almost 1600. The least number of inquiries received in January was in person which was just over 400. It showed a gradual rise in February and March that recorded 600 and 800 inquiries respectively. Thereafter a significant increment was noted in April which reached around 1250 inquiries. A gradual increase shown as approximately 1550 inquiries in May and reached 1900 which recorded as rthe highest method of receiving inquiries. The inquiries got through letter or email were just over 800 in January and dropped slightly in February and March that was 700 and around 680 respectively. A sudden decrease of inquiries by letter or email were shown in April and May which was around 550 and 350 respectively. Then it remained same which recorded as the least method of receiving inquiries in June (350).
The line chart illustrates the amount of
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inquiries
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reached
in three ways (in person, by
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letter
or email and by telephone) for a Tourist Information Office in a city
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over
a period of six months in year 2011.

Overall
, the number of
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inquiries
received increased
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over
the time in person and by telephone whereas
Possible spelling mistake found.
dcreased
by
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letter
or email.

In January, the highest number of
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inquiries
were
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reached
through the telephone which was
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around
900. It dropped in 100 in February and
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reached
1000 in March that remained steady till April. Then it grew up
significantly
up to 1400 in May and
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reached
the peak in June which was almost 1600.

The least number of
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inquiries
received in January was in person which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
400. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual rise in February and March that recorded 600 and 800
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inquiries
respectively
.
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Thereafter
a significant increment
was noted
in April which
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reached
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around
1250
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inquiries
. A gradual increase shown as approximately 1550
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inquiries
in May and
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reached
1900 which recorded as
Possible spelling mistake found.
rthe
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
method of receiving inquiries.

The
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inquiries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
800 in January and dropped
slightly
in February and March that was 700 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
680
respectively
. A sudden decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email
were shown
in April and May which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
550 and 350
respectively
. Then it remained same which recorded as the least method of receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
in June (350).
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IELTS academic inquiries reaching hotel through various methods

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
243 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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