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the amount of money earned of three groups of graduates

the amount of money earned of three groups of graduates m3MDq
The line graph illustrates the amount of money earned of three groups of graduates from eight age categories in 2002. Overall, people in other types of qualification earn the most at all ages expect in the oldest age group. In contrast, those with first degrees mainly earn the least throughout. As can be seen from the graph, graduates earned the least in salary over the period. In details, the amount of money earned increased from around 370 pounds at the ages of 21-25 to nearly 700 pounds at the ages of 36-45, followed by a slight fall to around 168 pounds at the ages of 50-60. Likewise, that of people having higher degrees showed a stable rise at 21-25 from approximately 390 pounds to around 750 pounds 20 years latter. The same qualification also hit its peak at the ages of 41-45, considered one of the highest points before showing a slight decrease at the end of their working age. On the other hand, for other qualifications, the amount of money that the people earned weekly showed a fluctuation. It started at about 425 pounds at 21-25 then reached a peak of around 800 pounds at 36-40. From 46-55, people with higher degrees and other qualifications got the same amount of payment per week. Meanwhile, there was a dramatic rise to only below 800 pounds as they reached their retirement age.
The line graph illustrates the
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amount
of money earned of three groups of graduates

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from
eight
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age
categories in 2002.

Overall
,
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people
in
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other
types of
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qualification
earn the most at all
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ages
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expect
in

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the
oldest
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age
group.
In contrast
, those with
first
degrees
mainly
earn the
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least


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throughout
. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph, graduates earned the least in salary over the period.

In
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details
, the
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amount
of money earned increased from around
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370 pounds
at the

ages of 21-25 to
nearly
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700 pounds
at the
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ages
of 36-45, followed by a slight fall to

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around
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168 pounds
at the
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ages
of 50-60.
Likewise
, that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having higher

degrees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a stable rise at 21-25 from approximately
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390 pounds
to around

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750 pounds
20 years latter. The same
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qualification
also
hit its peak at the
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ages
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of


41-45, considered one of the highest points
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before
showing a slight decrease at the

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end
of their working age.

On the
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other
hand, for
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other
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qualifications
, the
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amount
of money that the
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people


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earned
weekly
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showed
a fluctuation. It
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started
at about
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425 pounds
at 21-25
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then


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reached
a peak of around
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800 pounds
at 36-40. From 46-55,
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people
with higher degrees and
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the same
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amount
of payment per week. Meanwhile, there was a dramatic rise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
below
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800 pounds
as they reached

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their
retirement
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age
.
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IELTS academic the amount of money earned of three groups of graduates

Academic
  American English
16 paragraphs
231 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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