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Temperatures (Tourist Attractions)

Temperatures (Tourist Attractions) 2aOAX
The bar chart depicts the meteorological conditions of five Vietnamese tourist hotspots which are Ha Long, Danang, Nha Trang, Sapa, and Dalat over a twelve-month period. Overall, with the exception of Dalat, the average temperature of each city witnessed an upward trend during the first half and decreased in the last six months of the year. It is clear that whilst Nha Trang has the hottest atmospheric conditions, Sapa is the coldest city. In addition, Ha Long has the greatest change in temperatures between the hottest and coldest months. From January to July, the mean temperature of Nha Trang goes up gradually from more than 25 Celsius degrees to over 30 degrees before falling back in the second half of the year. Likewise, there is a similar change in the figure of Danang which rises from 25 Celsius degrees to roughly 30 degrees and then drops back to 25 in the next half period. Dalat witnessed the same trend as the aforementioned cities. However, there is a slight increase in December and the beginning of the following year. Regarding the two cities in the north of Vietnam, the weather condition in Ha Long is cool at the beginning of the year with a temperature of just over 15 Celsius degrees prior to witnessing a significant increase to nearly 35 in June and July. The figure slowly declines in the next three months before plummeting in the last two months. Similarly, the data of Sapa begins at only 10 Celsius degrees which is the lowest of five but grows dramatically to more than 20 in July which is as hot as Dalat. After that, the temperature starts to decrease at the end of the year.
The bar chart depicts the meteorological conditions of five Vietnamese tourist hotspots which are Ha Long,
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Danang
,
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Nha
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Trang
,
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Sapa
, and
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Dalat
over a twelve-month period.

Overall
,
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with the exception of
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Dalat
, the average
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temperature
of each city witnessed an upward trend during the
first
half and decreased in the last six months of the
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year
. It is
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clear
that whilst
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Nha
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Trang
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has
the hottest atmospheric conditions,
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Sapa
is the coldest city.
In addition
, Ha Long
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has
the greatest
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change
in
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temperatures
between the hottest and coldest months.

From January to July, the mean
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temperature
of
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Nha
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Trang
goes up
gradually
from more than 25 Celsius
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degrees
to over 30
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degrees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling back in the second half of the
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year
.
Likewise
, there is a similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the figure of
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Danang
which rises from 25 Celsius
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degrees
to roughly 30
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degrees
and then drops back to 25 in the
next
half period.
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Dalat
witnessed the same trend as the aforementioned
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cities
.
However
, there is a slight increase in December and the beginning of the following year.

Regarding the two
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cities
in the north of Vietnam, the weather condition in Ha Long is cool at the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 15 Celsius
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degrees
prior to witnessing a significant increase to
nearly
35 in June and July. The figure
slowly
declines in the
next
three months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
plummeting in the last two months.
Similarly
, the data of
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Sapa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 Celsius
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degrees
which is the lowest of five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
grows
dramatically
to more than 20 in July which is as hot as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dalat
. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to decrease at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.

IELTS academic Temperatures (Tourist Attractions)

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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