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Income adults and children spent on 4 common items in UK

Income adults and children spent on 4 common items in UK Q50YX
The given the bar chart illustrates the expenditure of grown-ups and kids in England on 4 popular items in 1998Overall, it is clear that most adults spent their income on food, while children’s expenditure was mostly on music and videos. Looking for further details, it can be seen that the percentage of money that women spent for food was highest( 39%), followed by adults(25%) and man, children, teenagers which were below 15%Meanwhile, children spent most money on food with 23%, far exceeds that of men, adults, boys, and girls which range from 5% to 18%. Concurrently, children, boys, and girls spent more than 35% of their income on music, compared to adults, men and women(5%). Interestingly, adults, men, and women spent less than 3% of their money on videos, whereas girls, boys, and children range from 12% to 18%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the bar chart illustrates the expenditure of grown-ups and kids in England on 4 popular items in 1998Overall, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most
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adults
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spent
their income on food, while
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children’s
expenditure was
mostly
on music and videos. Looking for
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the percentage of money that women
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spent
for food was highest
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
39%), followed by
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adults(25%)
and
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man
,
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children
,
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teenagers
which were below 15%Meanwhile,
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children
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spent
most money on food with 23%, far exceeds that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
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adults
, boys, and girls which range from 5% to 18%.
Concurrently
,
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children
, boys, and girls
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spent
more than 35% of their income on music, compared to
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adults
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women(5%).
Interestingly
,
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adults
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, and women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
less than 3% of their money on videos, whereas girls, boys, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
range from 12% to 18%.
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IELTS academic Income adults and children spent on 4 common items in UK

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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