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the average rainfall, sunshine and temperature in Philippines

the average rainfall, sunshine and temperature in Philippines 5LOYp
The graph gives information about the amount of rainfall and the number of hours of sunshine, temperature in average over a year period in Philippines It can be seen from the graph that the number of hours of sunshine and average temperature each month saw an increase over the period shown, but the figures for temperature was much higher. Whereas, the amount of rainfall monthly fluctuated significantly over a year. . At the beginning of a 12-month period, the average rainfall and temperature started at arpund 10 milimeters and over 10 degrees, while the average hours of sunshine in January was lower, at just 7 hours per day. The amount of daily rainfall rose significantly to over 25 milimeters in April, while February became the coldest month of the year in Philippines, with fewer than 5 hours of sunshine per day and a lowest average temperature of approxiamately 10 degrees respectively. The average of both hours of sunshine and temperature between March and August continued increasing, which was a much higher in average teperature in comparison with that of hours of sunshine per day and finally peaked at over 35 degrees in August before dropping dramatically by 13 degrees at the end of the year. While the hours of sunshine per day rose slightly to around 10 hours from March to June and remained stable until August and finally reached at over 5 hours in December. In terms of rainfall, it dropped significantly and continually to just under 3 milimeters in the month of August before experiencing a sharp soar to approximately 30 milimeters in October. At the last quaterof year, the figures of rainfall per day decrease sharply and then reached at the same level as that of in January.
The graph gives information about the amount of
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rainfall
and the number of
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hours
of
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sunshine
,
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temperature
in
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average
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over
a
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year
period in Philippines

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
and
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
each
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month
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase
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over
the period shown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
was much higher.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
monthly fluctuated
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


At the beginning of a
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12-month
period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
and
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temperature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
arpund
10
Possible spelling mistake found.
milimeters
and
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over
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
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sunshine
in January was lower, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
7
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hours
per day. The amount of daily
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rainfall
rose
significantly
to
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over
25
Possible spelling mistake found.
milimeters
in April, while February became the coldest
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month
of the
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year
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Philippines".
in Philippines
, with fewer than 5
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hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
per day and
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
lowest
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
approxiamately
10
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degrees
respectively
.

The
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average
of both
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hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
and
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temperature
between March and August continued increasing, which was a much higher in
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average
Possible spelling mistake found.
teperature
in comparison
with that of
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hours
of
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sunshine
per day and
finally
peaked at
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over
35
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degrees
in August
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dropping
dramatically
by 13
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degrees
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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year
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
per day rose
slightly
to around 10
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hours
from March to June and remained stable until August and
finally
reached at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in December. In terms of
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rainfall
, it dropped
significantly
and
continually
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 3
Possible spelling mistake found.
milimeters
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of August
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
experiencing a sharp soar to approximately 30
Possible spelling mistake found.
milimeters
in October. At the last
Possible spelling mistake found.
quaterof
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the figures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
per day decrease
sharply
and then reached at the same level as that of in January.
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IELTS academic the average rainfall, sunshine and temperature in Philippines

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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