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Talk about a competition you’ve entered

Talk about a competition you’ve entered AJV81
It was an inter department annual indoor sports competition at my office that organized on the occasion of “dahe-fajr”. I took part in dart game and badminton. There were a number of other championships like Table tennis, swimming, volleyball, that I didn’t participate. However, the prizes were attractive. The office arranged the gift cards for the heroes. Also all the participants received some other awards for their presence. I won the second prize for dart game and third for badminton and another tiny gift for my attendance. It was an enjoyable event indeed.
It was
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'inter' is correct. If 'inter' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an inter
department annual indoor sports competition at my office that organized on the occasion of “
Possible spelling mistake found.
dahe-fajr
”. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in dart game and badminton. There were a number of other championships like Table tennis, swimming, volleyball, that I didn’t participate.

However
, the prizes were attractive. The office arranged the gift cards for the heroes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
all the participants received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other awards for their presence.

I won the second prize for dart game and third for badminton and another tiny gift for my attendance. It was an enjoyable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
indeed
.
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IELTS academic Talk about a competition you’ve entered

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
93 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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