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Table about underground railway systems in 6 cities

Table about underground railway systems in 6 cities ynpd
The table provides information about underground railway systems in 6 different cities with information regarding the opening date, length of the railway and the number of passengers every year which is measured in millions. Overall, the London railway system is the oldest and the longest railway that has ever been constructed. Furthermore, the most crowded train system is in Tokyo. In 1863, the London opened their railway system to the public. This is the oldest railway system and the only one that was built in 1863. In terms of length, this system is one of the longest one with 394 kilometres of route. In contrast, the latest railway, which was built in 2001 in Los Angeles, only has 28 km of route. Some of the systems which were opened in the 1900s are in Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC and Kyoto. Out of all of these countries, the longest one exists in Paris with the route length of 199km, although this is still shorter when compared to the London railway. Additionally, one of the train system with the largest number of passengers per year is in Tokyo. Every year, it helps 1928 millions of customer commute from one area to the other. The number of passenger served per year is 800 millions higher when compared to the railway in Paris.
The table provides information about underground
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railway
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systems
in 6
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different
cities with information regarding the opening date, length of the
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railway
and the number of passengers every
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year
which
is measured
in millions.

Overall
, the London
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railway
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system
is the oldest and the longest
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railway
that has ever
been constructed
.
Furthermore
, the most crowded train
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system
is in Tokyo.

In 1863, the London opened their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
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system
to the public. This is the oldest
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railway
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system
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one that
was built
in 1863. In terms of length, this
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system
is one of the longest one with 394
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
of route.
In contrast
, the latest
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railway
, which
was built
in 2001 in Los Angeles,
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only
has 28 km of route.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
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systems
which
were opened
in the 1900s are in Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC and Kyoto. Out of all of these countries, the longest one exists in Paris with the route length of
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "199 km"
199km
, although this is
still
shorter when compared to the London
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railway
.
Additionally
, one of the train
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system
with the largest number of passengers per
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year
is in Tokyo. Every
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year
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "1928 million".
1928 millions of
customer commute from one area to the other. The number of passenger served per
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year
is 800 millions higher when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
in Paris.

IELTS academic Table about underground railway systems in 6 cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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