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Switzerland birth and death scales between 1970 to 2020 based on United Nation data

Switzerland birth and death scales between 1970 to 2020 based on United Nation data GMdlg
The bar chart illustrates Switzerland birth and death scales between 1970 to 2020 based on United Nation data. In general, the number of birth showed a gradual increase throughout the period given. Conversely, the scale of death had a tendency to decrease over the last twenty years. In the first year, 1970, birth is higher than the death scale. Then, in the next ten years, both figures experienced a different trend, in which the death rate rose to 1. 3 million, while births remained constant in 1. 2 million. However, from 1990 to 2000 Switzerland experienced rapid growth in a birth proportion to 2. 5 million and peaked at 3. 2 million in 2020. In contrast, the scale of death declined gradually from 1. 5 million in 1990 to eight hundred thousand in 2020, according to the United Nations statistics.
The bar chart illustrates Switzerland
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birth
and death
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scales
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1970 and 2020".
between 1970 to 2020
based on United Nation data.
In general
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual increase throughout the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
Conversely
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scale
of death had a tendency to decrease over the last twenty years.

In the
first
year, 1970,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
is higher than the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scale
. Then, in the
next
ten years, both figures experienced a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trend, in which the death rate rose to 1. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
remained constant in 1. 2 million.

However
, from 1990 to 2000 Switzerland experienced rapid growth in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
proportion to 2. 5
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million
and peaked at 3. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2020.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scale
of death declined
gradually
from 1. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1990 to eight hundred thousand in 2020, according to the United Nations statistics.
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IELTS academic Switzerland birth and death scales between 1970 to 2020 based on United Nation data

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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