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Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparions where relevant about diet and general health of two groups of students

Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparions where relevant about diet and general health of two groups of students 8oMG
The two pie charts depict data about the daily eating habits and three common health conditions shown in the table below of two distinct groups of students. Overall, both sudents in group A and group B consume considerably more food with high fat content than healthy food that lead to three consequences about health problem. As can be seen from the two pie charts, unhealthy food accounts for 50% and 30% in group B and A respectively, it also places the highest position in both charts. In group A, others make up a significant proportion with 70%. Students in this group eat vegetables and fruits with the percentage are 22% and 8% much more than that of group B, just 5%. Noticeably, fish and cereals in both group are consumed at the same proportion, about 5% and 35% correspondingly. The table shows clearly the unwanted consequences originated from children’s diet. Overweight in group B is as twice as that in group A and Illness in the past year in group A is much lower than group B by over the half. Moreover the attendance rate at classes is 90%, higher than that of group B, just 75%.
The two pie charts depict data about the daily eating habits and three common health conditions shown in the table below of two distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of students.
Overall
, both
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B consume
considerably
more food with high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content than healthy food that lead to three
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "about". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences about
health problem. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the two pie charts, unhealthy food accounts for 50% and 30% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B and A
respectively
, it
also
places the highest position in both charts. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up a significant proportion with 70%. Students in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
eat vegetables and fruits with the percentage are 22% and 8% much more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5%.
Noticeably
, fish and cereals in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
are consumed
at the same proportion, about 5% and 35%
correspondingly
. The table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
clearly
the unwanted consequences originated from children’s diet. Overweight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B is as twice as that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A and Illness in the past year in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A is much lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B by over the half.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the attendance rate at classes is 90%, higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
75%.
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IELTS academic Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparions where relevant about diet and general health of two groups of students

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
197 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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