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Summarising the bar chart

Summarising the bar chart NyaBW
The bar chart illustrates the amount of men and women studying six various sciences(Physics, Astronomy, geology, Biology, Medicine, Veterinary medicine) in UK university in 2009. Overall, males has studied more than females. The most science studied was for biology for both guys and girls and the least for men was Veterinary medicine and for women was Physics. In terms of biology, the number of men studied was around 225 as opposed to exactly 200 for women. For medicine, men studied the exact number of 200 students and for women was about 175 students. The Veterinary medicine guy students was near 75 students but the number of students for girls are nearly 125. The number of Physics men students compared to women students has the difference of 200 students. The chart illustrates that, Astronomy men students are the exact quantity of 150 as opposed to women around 60 people. Geology seems to be much more likely in men comparing to women, the men number is 150 but the women is 60.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of
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men
and
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women
studying six various sciences(Physics, Astronomy, geology, Biology,
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Medicine
, Veterinary
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medicine)
in UK university in 2009.

Overall
, males has
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studied
more than females. The most science
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studied
was for biology for both guys and girls and the least for
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men
was Veterinary
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medicine
and for
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women
was Physics.

In terms of biology, the
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number
of
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men
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studied
was around 225 as opposed to exactly 200 for
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women
. For
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medicine
,
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men
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studied
the exact
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number
of 200
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students
and for
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women
was about 175
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students
. The Veterinary
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medicine
guy
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students
was near 75
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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number
of
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students
for girls are
nearly
125.

The
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number
of Physics
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men
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students
compared to
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women
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students
has the difference of 200
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students
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
chart illustrates that, Astronomy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the exact quantity of 150 as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
around 60
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Geology seems to be much more likely in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
comparing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, the
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men
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number
is 150
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is 60.
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IELTS academic Summarising the bar chart

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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