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Summarise Graphs of computer usage

Summarise Graphs of computer usage Blgwd
In both the graphs it is shown an steady increase in the computer ownership between the years 2002 and 2010, as well as the numbers of computer ownership in all the levels of education. That being said, it is possible to conclude that computers have become a household appliance, meaning that every home had a necessity to own a computer. With that slow and steady increase, we can assume that, perhaps, the costs of obtaining a computer might have gotten more acessible over the years. Maybe, in that same period the media started to invest in publicity, showing the general public the uses and advantages owning a computer. It is also importante to note that schools have been teaching computer classes in the 90’s, so whoever grown up using the computer might have gotten the taste of it, wanting to own their very own machine as soon as possible. Altought not shown in the graphs, in the same period, between the years 2002 and 2010, better, faster and cheper internet acess was available, being popularized and used in everyday life.
In both the graphs it
is shown
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
steady increase in the computer ownership between the years 2002 and 2010,
as well
as the numbers of computer ownership in all the levels of education. That
being said
, it is possible
to conclude
that computers have become a household appliance, meaning that every home had a necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer.

With that slow and steady increase, we can assume that, perhaps, the costs of obtaining a computer might have gotten more
Possible spelling mistake found.
acessible
over the years. Maybe, in that same period the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to invest in publicity, showing the
Consider using "public".
general public
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
and advantages owning a computer. It is
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
importante
to note that schools have been teaching computer classes in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90’s
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
whoever grown up using the computer might have gotten the taste of it, wanting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
machine as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Altought
not shown in the graphs, in the same period, between the years 2002 and 2010, better, faster and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cheper
internet
Possible spelling mistake found.
acess
was available,
being popularized
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in everyday life.
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IELTS academic Summarise Graphs of computer usage

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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