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Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. v. 3 BpPm
Research has proven that lawbreaker receives a narrow degree of education. The most hold the opinion that the most suitable way to lower criminal offenses is by teaching those in jail the skills they need to acquire employment after their release. I agree with this notion to a certain extent. Firstly, a plethora of people are sent to prison due to crimes such as theft and joining gangs that participate in illegal activities. This is due to the fact they did not graduate from school, let alone college, to obtain the tools that they need to make money in an honesty. For instance, 2019 Statistics obtained from prison research revealed that 80% of criminal offenses are committed by uneducated individuals who have no other options to put food on their tables except by committing these acts. Therefore, educating these delinquents during the time that they spent locked up, paves the way for them to receive income without breaking the law.  Overall, this leads to a reduction in illegal activities.  However, let us not ignore the fact that some lawbreaker is well-educated. Which means that a lack of education does not drive the acts they commit, in fact, they are driven by hate. Although they have spent time in prison for their acts, their mentality remains the same, especially if they are part of a cult. In these situations, no amount of knowledge can prevent them from repeating their offences again. For example, people who are part of racist organizations like the KKK, will continue to kill black humans as they believe they are entitled to their cause. Undoubtedly, the application of teaching schemes in prisons will not uplift the burden of their crimes once their jail time is up.  In conclusion, Although despite the numerous wrongdoers that would refrain from criminal acts, once they are released from captivity, if they were to be taught essential working skills, fewer already posses these skills and continue to cause havoc.
Research has proven that lawbreaker receives a narrow degree of education. The most hold the opinion that the most suitable way to lower criminal offenses is by teaching those in jail the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they need to acquire employment after their release. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion to a certain extent.
Firstly
, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
due to crimes such as theft and joining gangs that participate in illegal activities. This is due to the fact they did not graduate from school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone college, to obtain the tools that they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money in an honesty.
For instance
, 2019 Statistics obtained from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
research revealed that 80% of criminal offenses
are committed
by uneducated individuals who have no other options to put food on their tables except by committing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
.
Therefore
, educating these delinquents during the time that they spent locked up, paves the way for them to receive income without breaking the law.  
Overall
, this leads to a reduction in illegal activities.  
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lawbreaker is well-educated. Which means that a lack of education does not drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
they commit, in fact, they
are driven
by hate. Although they have spent time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
, their mentality remains the same,
especially
if they are part of a cult. In these situations, no amount of knowledge can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from repeating their
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
again.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are part of racist organizations like the KKK, will continue to kill black humans as they believe they
are entitled
to their cause.
Undoubtedly
, the application of teaching schemes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
will not uplift the burden of their crimes once their jail time is up.  
In conclusion
, Although despite the numerous wrongdoers that would refrain from criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
, once they
are released
from captivity, if they were to
be taught
essential working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, fewer already posses these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and continue to cause havoc.

IELTS academic Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. v. 3

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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