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Students' main reason to study and their employers support

Students' main reason to study and their employers support gD3Ga
The two charts below explain the main background of many students to study, according to their age categories and how the students’ employers contribute to support their study which measured from the employers’ act to give time off and fees help. Overall, the graphs show fluctuating trends. Specifically, in the first chart, students who have reasons to study in order to pursue their career are mainly aged under 26. However, the students in this age range, are the lowest category who have reasoned their study for the sake of their interest. In this case, on the contrary, students who are aged 49 and over are the major category who choose their study as a way to fulfill their interest. Furthermore, in the second chart, students aged under 26 tend to be a category who have more support from their employers, rather than the other age ranges. Meanwhile, the students who are aged 30-39 have the lowest probability to be supported by their employers.
The two charts below
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explain
the main background of
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many
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students
to
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study
, according to their age
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categories
and how the
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students’
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employers
contribute to support their
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study
which measured from the
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employers’
act to give time off and fees
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help
.
Overall
, the graphs
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show
fluctuating trends.

Specifically
, in the
first
chart,
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students
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who
have reasons to
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study
in order to pursue their career are
mainly
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aged
under 26.
However
, the
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students
in this age range, are the lowest
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category
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who
have reasoned their
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study
for the sake of their interest.
In this case
,
on the contrary
,
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students
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who
are
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aged
49 and over are the major
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category
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose their
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study
as a way to fulfill their interest.

Furthermore
, in the second chart,
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
under 26 tend to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have more support from their
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employers
,
rather
than the other age ranges. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
30-39 have the lowest probability to
be supported
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
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IELTS academic Students' main reason to study and their employers support

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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