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study for interest or career and support

study for interest or career and support pL9b0
There are given two graphs representing the reasons for study according to age in the first one and the second one showing how much support the students receive from their employers in different ages. The first chart shows the two main reasons for study: career and interest. Under the age of 26 mostly students study for career (80%) and on the other hand only a little percentage study for interest (10%). But also the support from their employers is high, circa 65%. As we go on the percentage of reasons of studying for career goes down while the one for interest increases. On the other hand the employer support starts to decrease with the years but have a slight change after the age of 30-39, where it starts to go up. The percentage is even for reasons to study in the age group of 40 to 49, and the employers support is almost the same, 39% circa.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two graphs representing the
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reasons
for
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study
according to
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age
in the
first
one and the second one showing how much
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support
the students receive from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.

The
first
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the two main
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reasons
for
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study
: career and interest. Under the
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age
of 26
mostly
students
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study
for career (80%) and
on the other hand
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only
a
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little
percentage
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study
for interest (10%).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
the
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support
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
is high, circa 65%.

As we go on the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of studying for career goes down while the one for interest increases.
On the other hand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to decrease with the years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have a slight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 30-39, where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to go up. The percentage is even for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of 40 to 49, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
is almost the same, 39% circa.
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IELTS academic study for interest or career and support

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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