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Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet While the Internet is convenient it has many negative and its use for educational purposes should be restricted How far do you agree with this statement v.2

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet While the Internet is convenient it has many negative and its use for educational purposes should be restricted How far v. 2
Today, the Internet is a popular tool for everyone. Some people think that it is really convenient and useful for students. However, other people claim that it has many disadvantages and students should be reduce for using the Internet. In my opinion, I agree with this idea but it is undeniable that the Internet have many positive effects for pupils. On the one hand, there are many advantages for using the Internet. Firstly, students can use the Internet for finding information quickly. It can makes them saving of time than going to the libarary. Many useful information on the Internet are searching by pupils and it improve searching skill of students. Secondly, when students must live far away from their families for their studies. They can use the Internet for keeping in touch with their family and friends, or for social networking and so on. Furthermore, students can study through the Internet such as watching many lessons by youtube. On the other hand, the Internet has many negative effects. For example, young people spend more time for using the Internet than other activities, it is not good for their health. In addition, there are many website containing some information incorrect or not suitable for pupils. Furthermore, many students now often copy essays from the Internet for their studies without understanding or analysing it, they will not learn it fully. So, teachers and parents need to restricted sudents for using the Internet. Inclusion, teachers and school shoud be teach students how to use the Internet. If students know using the Internet effectively, they are likely to become better students.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the Internet is a popular tool for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
really
convenient and useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
for using the Internet. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is undeniable that the Internet have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for pupils.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for using the Internet.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet for finding information
quickly
. It can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
them saving of time than going to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
libarary
.
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much useful information", "a good deal of useful information".
Many useful information
on the Internet are searching by pupils and it
Did you mean "improves"?
improve
searching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from their families for their studies. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet for keeping in touch with their family and friends, or for social networking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can study through the Internet such as watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons by
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
.

On the other hand
, the Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
For example
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend more time for using the Internet than other activities, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health.
In addition
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun website seems to be countable; consider using: "many websites".
many website
containing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information incorrect or not suitable for pupils.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
copy essays from the Internet for their studies without understanding or
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
it, they will not learn it
fully
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, teachers and parents need to restricted
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudents
for using the Internet.

Inclusion, teachers and school
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoud
be teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know using the Internet
effectively
, they are likely to become better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet While the Internet is convenient it has many negative and its use for educational purposes should be restricted How far v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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