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Student numbers at local primary schools,2008?

Student numbers at local primary schools, 2008? 1n53W
The given bar chart presents data about the amount of people who had studied in several schools which were situated locally in the year of 2008. Units are measured in numbers. Overall, it's clearly understandable from the illustration that St James school had the highest quantity of students among other local schools, whereas there were the fewest students in Bilsing school in 2008. Firstly, St James school had equal number of boys and girls. Their quantity was about 100. Just like that there was a equal amount of girls with boys in billsing school in 2008 conferring 35 in each one. It was nearly 30 students. Both Bilsing school and St James school had equal quantity of female students and male students. Secondly, Percival school had more boys than girls, however, in Roysters school there were more girls than boys showing 80 and 60. Royster school did not have as many girls as St James school girls. Percival school had around 20 more students compared to Roysters.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart presents data about the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had studied in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which
were situated
locally
in the year of 2008. Units
are measured
in numbers.

Overall
, it's
clearly
understandable from the illustration that St James
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had the highest quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
among other local
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schools
, whereas there were the fewest
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students
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bilsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in 2008.

Firstly
, St James
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school
had equal number of
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boys
and
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girls
. Their quantity was about 100.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like that there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
billsing
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school
in 2008 conferring 35 in each one. It was
nearly
30
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students
. Both
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bilsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and St James
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school
had equal quantity of female
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students
and male students.

Secondly
, Percival
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school
had more
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boys
than
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girls
,
however
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Roysters
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school
there were more
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girls
than
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boys
showing 80 and 60.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Royster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
did not have as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
as St James
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school
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girls
. Percival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had around 20 more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
compared to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Roysters
.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic Student numbers at local primary schools, 2008?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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