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Stock Prices of four different companies

Stock Prices of four different companies Oe8E
The line graph displays the trends in stock prices of four technological companies from 2011 to 2016. Overall, the prices of these companies are either fluctuated, increased, or slumped but the price of google remained unchanged throughout the period. the stock price of Apple rose exponentially from $5000 in 2011 to $35000 dollars in 2012 with an increase of 9 times its value and then the stock value took a deep dive in 2013 and subsequently its value reduced to about $ 7000 and later fluctuated before settling at a price around $5100. However, the Prices of Facebook gradually increased throughout the period. Its value started somewhere around $8000 in 2011 and increased eventually to $20000 by 2016. In Contrast, the stock value of yahoo decreased from an initial value of $6500 to approximately $2800 by the end of 2016. Meanwhile, the share value of Google remained constant all the time.
The line graph displays the trends in stock
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prices
of four technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from 2011 to 2016.

Overall
, the
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prices
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are either fluctuated, increased, or slumped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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price
of google remained unchanged throughout the period.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
stock
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price
of Apple rose
exponentially
from $5000 in 2011 to
Consider using "35000" only; there is no need for the currency symbol because 'dollars' follows
$35000
dollars in 2012 with an increase of 9 times its
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value
and then the stock
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value
took a deep dive in 2013 and
subsequently
its
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value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to about
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "$7000".
$ 7000
and later fluctuated
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before
settling at a
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price
around $5100.
However
, the
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Prices
of Facebook
gradually
increased throughout the period. Its
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value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
somewhere around $8000 in 2011 and increased
eventually
to $20000 by 2016.
In Contrast
, the stock
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value
of yahoo decreased from an initial
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value
of $6500 to approximately $2800 by the
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end
of 2016. Meanwhile, the share
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value
of Google remained constant all the time.
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IELTS academic Stock Prices of four different companies

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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