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sports of students from a school in the UK during the 2001 and 2011

sports of students from a school in the UK during the 2001 and 2011 LLkYr
The chart given illustrates the participation in 4 different sports of students from a school in the UK during the 2001 and 2011 time period. Overall, it can be clearly seen that in the 10-year timespan, soccer was the most popular among the 4. To begin with, in 2010, swimming saw one of the least amount of participants with only slightly above 20 students, followed up by running, which was vaguely lower. While running figure increased moderately in the next few years, with only a small leveling off in 2004-2005 period, the number of participants in swimming peaked at 50 and then went downhill rapidly, finally ended up with roughly 25 students in 2011. The number of those who enjoyed basketball was the second-highest in the four in 2001, only roughly 5 people lower than that of football. Although that the soccer figure consistently fluctuated throughout the whole period, it still remained the top sport with almost 70 students in 2011, while the number of basketball participants crashed significantly before flatten out at just above 20 neople during the last 3 years
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustrates the participation in 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from a school in the UK during the 2001 and 2011 time period.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in the 10-year
Possible spelling mistake found.
timespan
, soccer was the most popular among the 4.

To
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begin
with, in 2010, swimming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
one of the least amount of participants with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slightly
above 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, followed up by running, which was
vaguely
lower. While running figure increased
moderately
in the
next
few years, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
leveling off in 2004-2005 period, the number of participants in swimming peaked at 50 and then went downhill
rapidly
,
finally
ended up with roughly 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 2011.

The number of those who enjoyed basketball was the second-highest in the four in 2001,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
roughly 5
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lower than that of football. Although that the soccer figure
consistently
fluctuated throughout the whole period, it
still
remained the top sport with almost 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 2011, while the number of basketball participants crashed
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
flatten out at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 20
Possible spelling mistake found.
neople
during the last 3
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
years
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IELTS academic sports of students from a school in the UK during the 2001 and 2011

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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