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bar chart about birth and death rate

bar chart about birth and death rate 2KEVJ
The bar chart illustrates the average birth rate and death rate between the period of 1950 and 2010. Overall, both the birth rate and death rate showed a downward trend throughout the period. However, the birth rate keep decreasing till the end of the period but the death rate got quite stable at the end. In 1950-1955, the birth rate was about double the amount of death rate. After 1955, both started declining moderately. In 1955-1960, the birth rate was about 35 thousand and the death rate was about 18 thousand. They started decreasing and the birth rate reached approximately 30 thousand in 1970-1975. However, the death rate was really low at that time it was almost 9 thousand. Furthermore, between the period of 1975 to 1980 the birth rate was about 28 thousand and keep decreasing but on the other hand, death rates were starting to become stable and kept between the range of 8 to 10 thousand till the end of the period. In the end between 2005-2010, the birth rate was about 20 thousand and the death rate was almost 8 thousand.
The bar chart illustrates the average
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birth
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rate
and death
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rate
between the
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period
of 1950 and 2010.

Overall
, both the
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and death
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward trend throughout the
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period
.
However
, the
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
decreasing till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the death
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
quite stable at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

In 1950-1955, the
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birth
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rate
was about double the amount of death
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rate
. After 1955, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
declining
moderately
. In 1955-1960, the
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birth
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rate
was about 35 thousand and the death
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rate
was about 18 thousand. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
decreasing and the
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birth
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rate
reached approximately 30 thousand in 1970-1975.
However
, the death
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rate
was
really
low at that time it was almost 9 thousand.

Furthermore
, between the
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period
of 1975 to 1980 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was about 28 thousand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
decreasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, death
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rates
were starting to become stable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
between the range of 8 to 10 thousand till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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period
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
between 2005-2010, the
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was about 20 thousand and the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was almost 8 thousand.
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IELTS academic bar chart about birth and death rate

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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