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sports favoured by adults boys and girls

sports favoured by adults boys and girls 0apD5
The chart shows the different sports( basketball, swimming, tennis, football and hockey) preferred by a group of people consisting of hundred adults, boys and girls. From their responses, it is clear that swimming is the most popular sport among all groups and from these three groups, boys participated in the most sports. It can be observed that vast majority of the boys participated in swimming. The only sport which was not favoured by the boys was hockey whereas a large number of girls who were interviewed participated in it. Other sports enjoyed by girls were tennis and basketball. However, only a very small number, approximately 10 or 100, participated in football. When it comes to the adults, the two most popular sports were swimming and tennis, with hockey being the least popular. In fact, football, hockey and basketball were all played less frequently by the adults.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
basketball, swimming, tennis, football and hockey) preferred by a group of
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people
consisting of hundred adults,
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boys
and girls.

From their responses, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that swimming is the most popular
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sport
among all groups and from these three groups,
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boys
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participated
in the most sports.

It can
be observed
that vast majority of the
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boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in swimming. The
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only
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sport
which was not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
was hockey whereas
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
girls who
were interviewed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in it. Other
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sports
enjoyed by girls were tennis and basketball.
However
,
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only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number, approximately 10 or 100,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in football.

When it
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comes
to the adults, the two most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
were swimming and tennis, with hockey being the least popular. In fact, football, hockey and basketball were all played less
frequently
by the adults.
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IELTS academic sports favoured by adults boys and girls

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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