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describe the chart below about energy consuption

describe the chart below about energy consuption kLe0n
There are numerous sources of energy in the US, for instance coal, petrol, natural gas, and renewable energies, like wind, nuclear, and hydropower. By increasing population, the demands of these sources will be increased. There is a survey whereby we want to investigate the consumption of energy in the US since 1980 with projections until 2030. In the past US, most people travelled by animals, such as the horse. Hens, petrol and other fuels were not required for transportation. Also, the knowledge of consuming renewable energies had not been developed, yet. On the contrary, by technology improvements, and also building modern automobiles and transportation systems, the demand on these fuels and energies will be ascended. Also, more individuals will be educated in the field of renewable energies, as efficient sources of energy which could be recycled and never cause pollution. Hens, we assume that these sources will be utilized more and more until 2030. In conclusion, the consumers’ demand on energies would be increased until 2030, specially the renewable energies, like solar, and hydropower. These all arises from technology advance, population increase, and etc.
There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in the US,
for instance
coal, petrol, natural gas, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
, like wind, nuclear, and hydropower. By increasing population, the demands of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
will
be increased
. There is a survey whereby we want to investigate the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in the US since 1980 with projections until 2030.

In the past US, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelled by animals, such as the horse. Hens, petrol and other fuels were not required for transportation.
Also
, the knowledge of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
had not
been developed
,
yet
.
On the contrary
, by technology improvements, and
also
building modern automobiles and transportation systems, the demand on these fuels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
will
be ascended
.

Also
, more individuals will
be educated
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
, as efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
which could
be recycled
and never cause pollution. Hens, we assume that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
will
be utilized
more and more until 2030.

In conclusion
, the consumers’ demand on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
would
be increased
until 2030,
specially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
, like solar, and hydropower. These all arises from technology advance, population increase,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
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IELTS academic describe the chart below about energy consuption

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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