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Some people tend to travel after finishing school and spend time in working instead of going universities education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

Some people tend to travel after finishing school and spend time in working instead of going universities education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend YwKoj
The bar graph illustrates detail about the proportion of British residents by age difference, donating money to the charity in between 1990 and 2010. Overall, both given time period experienced a wide fluctuations. Eventhough both showed a upward trend. Yong people had the lower rate and it outraced by adult individual. In 1990 the rate of young people was 15% being higher than 2010’s rate by approximately 10%. Then it rose gradually in the ages of 26-35 and 36-50 respectively, and also reached a peak value of 42 percent in the case of 36-50. However in the rest of the ages showed a significant decrease to about 35% in 51-65 aged group and continued to fell to 32% in very older people.
The bar graph illustrates detail about the proportion of British residents by age difference, donating money to the charity in between 1990 and 2010.

Overall
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period experienced a wide
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "fluctuation"?
fluctuations
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend. Yong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had the lower rate and it outraced by adult individual.

In 1990 the rate of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was 15% being higher than
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2010s".
2010’s
rate by approximately 10%. Then it rose
gradually
in the ages of 26-35 and 36-50
respectively
, and
also
reached a peak value of 42 percent in the case of 36-50.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in the rest of the ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a significant decrease to about 35% in 51-65 aged group and continued to fell to 32% in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic Some people tend to travel after finishing school and spend time in working instead of going universities education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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