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Some people tend to travel after finishing school and spend time in working instead of going universities education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

Some people tend to travel after finishing school and spend time in working instead of going universities education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend YwKoj

The bar graph illustrates detail about the proportion of British residents by age difference, donating money to the charity in between 1990 and 2010. Overall, both given time period experienced a wide fluctuations. Eventhough both showed a upward trend. Yong people had the lower rate and it outraced by adult individual. In 1990 the rate of young people was 15% being higher than 2010’s rate by approximately 10%. Then it rose gradually in the ages of 26-35 and 36-50 respectively, and also reached a peak value of 42 percent in the case of 36-50. However in the rest of the ages showed a significant decrease to about 35% in 51-65 aged group and continued to fell to 32% in very older people.

The bar graph illustrates detail about the proportion of British residents by age difference, donating money to the charity in between 1990 and 2010.

Overall
, both This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accorded
given
 time period experienced a wide Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "fluctuation"?fluctuation
fluctuations
. Possible spelling mistake found.Even though
Eventhough
 both This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstratedportrayedindicateddisplayed
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'an
a
 upward trend. Yong This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 had the lower rate and it outraced by adult individual.

In 1990 the rate of young This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 was 15% being higher than Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2010s".2010s
2010’s
 rate by approximately 10%. Then it rose gradually
 in the ages of 26-35 and 36-50 respectively
, and also
 reached a peak value of 42 percent in the case of 36-50. Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?However,
However
 in the rest of the ages This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstratedportrayedindicateddisplayed
showed
 a significant decrease to about 35% in 51-65 aged group and continued to fell to 32% in This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
 older This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
. 

IELTS academic Some people tend to travel after finishing school and spend time in working instead of going universities education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

Academic

American English

3 paragraphs

122 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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