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Some people say that what is being taught im mamu schools today can make people get jobs only. Thus, they suggest that the entire curriculum should be transformed so that schools provide holistic education to pupils . To what extent do you agree or disagree ? According to you what subjects can be removed and what can be added to present education system?

Some people say that what is being taught im mamu schools today can make people get jobs only. Thus, they suggest that the entire curriculum should be transformed so that schools provide holistic education to pupils. According to you what subjects can be removed and what can be added to present education system? rb6LL
One school of thought believe that the subjects taught in educational institutions are for only getting jobs so, the whole syllabus should be changed in order to provide entire education to learners. I fully agree with this notion because it will increase the efficiency of the students and bring out their distinct talents. To begin with, if there are different types of subjects which are taught to the pupils they will not be bored while studying only few subjects. In other words, studying same 2 3 subjects daily leads to boredom in students which would later reduce their efficiency to study as well as their academic scores. To epitomize, the research conducted by the University of British Columbia in 2014, in Canada showed that the schools in which there are various subjects taught to the students are giving better results as compared to other schools. Thus, it will enhance their mental ability to work better. Apart from this, there are numerous subjects in which students are having keen interest and they can make their career in those things. Furthermore, if there would be subjects related to acting, writing, singing and so on then tutees can enjoy those and work on their those talents so that in future they can grab opportunities rather than study. For instance, in India, there are many schools which provide singing classes to the students so that they can show their ability in singing. Hence, thay can make their future in other alternatives instead of studies. In present education system, I think subjects such as computer skills or arts could be added so that pupils good in these can build their future. However, history is the subject related to past events which is no more useful so it can be removed with respect to make concentration of learners in new skills than wasting their time in reading history. To recapitulate, studying the subjects which will be beneficial in future is more important and students can only learn those subjects in which they are interested.
One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
taught in educational institutions are for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
getting jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the whole syllabus should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in order to provide entire education to learners. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will increase the efficiency of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and bring out their distinct talents.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
are taught
to the pupils they will not
be bored
while studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
In other words
, studying same 2 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
daily leads to boredom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which would later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their efficiency to study
as well
as their academic scores. To epitomize, the research conducted by the University of British Columbia in 2014, in Canada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in which there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
taught to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are giving better results as compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Thus
, it will enhance their mental ability to work better.

Apart from this, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are having keen
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interest and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career in those things.
Furthermore
, if there would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to acting, writing, singing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on then
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutees
can enjoy those and work on their those talents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
they can grab opportunities
rather
than study.
For instance
, in India, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which provide singing classes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their ability in singing.
Hence
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
in other alternatives
instead
of studies.

In present education system, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or arts could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in these can build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
However
, history is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
related to past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which is no more useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
be removed
with respect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
concentration of learners in new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than wasting their time in reading history.

To recapitulate, studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which will be beneficial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in which they
are interested
.
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IELTS academic Some people say that what is being taught im mamu schools today can make people get jobs only. Thus, they suggest that the entire curriculum should be transformed so that schools provide holistic education to pupils. According to you what subjects can be removed and what can be added to present education system?

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Some people say that what is being taught im mamu schools today can make people get jobs only. Thus, they suggest that the entire curriculum should be transformed so that schools provide holistic education to pupils . To what extent do you agree or disagree ? According to you what subjects can be removed and what can be added to present education system?