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Bar graph showing fertility rate of gulf countries 1990-2000

Bar graph showing fertility rate of gulf countries 1990-2000 rb6Yn
The bar graph depicts the fertility rate of women in the gulf countries namely, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Saudi Arabia and UAE, from 1990 until 2000. Detailing the year 1990, Oman stands highest with 7 births per woman, followed by Saudi Arabia accounting to almost 7. Qatar and UAE was on 3rd position which was slight more than 4 whereas Bahrain and Kuwait have similar rate (3. 5). Furthermore by 2000, rate of Oman and Saudi Arabia declined to 5. 5, and Qatar's dropped to 3. 5. Bahrain, Kuwait and UAE accounted to 2. 5, approximately 2. 8 and almost 3 respectively. It can be observed that there were major decline in the birth rate per woman within the span of 10 years.
The bar graph depicts the fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of women in the gulf countries
namely
, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Saudi Arabia and UAE, from 1990 until 2000. Detailing the year 1990, Oman stands highest with 7 births per woman, followed by Saudi Arabia accounting to almost 7. Qatar and UAE was on 3rd position which was slight more than 4 whereas Bahrain and Kuwait have similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
(3. 5).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
by 2000,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of Oman and Saudi Arabia declined to 5. 5, and Qatar's dropped to 3. 5. Bahrain, Kuwait and UAE accounted to 2. 5, approximately 2. 8 and almost 3
respectively
. It can
be observed
that there were major decline in the birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
per woman within the span of 10 years.
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IELTS academic Bar graph showing fertility rate of gulf countries 1990-2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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