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Small-scale commercial honey production

Small-scale commercial honey production BlAda
The diagram illustrate the main stages which are involved in the production of Small-scale commercial honey. Overall it is noticeable that the production of honey is devided to two Bee and human phase and it includes 11 steps, from gathering nectar by bees to spelling honey. First of all, nectar is gethered by bee before depositing honey. Once honey is deposited, it is dried. The following stepis that, cells are kept clean by bees. After that cells are sealed with wax before gathering honey combs. Once combs are gethered, they are pressed in order to pour honey into backet. Then honey is poured into Sump tank, heated with 45-50°, before passing Sieve tank, which removes diet out of honey. After that it is moved to Setting tank and saved for 2-4 days. The next step is that, honey is poured into jars. Finally jars are gethered into a track and sold.
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the main stages which
are involved
in the production of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
-scale commercial honey.
Overall
it is noticeable that the production of honey is
Possible spelling mistake found.
devided
to two Bee and human
Possible agreement error. The noun 'phase' seems to be countable, so consider using: "phases".
phase
and it includes 11 steps, from gathering nectar by bees to spelling honey.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nectar is
Possible spelling mistake found.
gethered
by bee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
depositing honey. Once honey
is deposited
, it
is dried
. The following
Possible spelling mistake found.
stepis
that, cells are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
clean by bees. After that cells
are sealed
with wax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
gathering honey combs. Once combs are
Possible spelling mistake found.
gethered
, they
are pressed
in order to pour honey into
Possible spelling mistake found.
backet
. Then honey
is poured
into Sump tank, heated with 45-50°,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
passing Sieve tank, which removes diet out of honey. After that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to Setting tank and saved for 2-4 days. The
next
step is that, honey
is poured
into jars.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
jars are
Possible spelling mistake found.
gethered
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and sold.
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic Small-scale commercial honey production

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
151 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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