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show information of the males and females who worked in Australia, Japan and Ireland between 2005 and 2015.

show information of the males and females who worked in Australia, Japan and Ireland between 2005 and 2015. G90dL
The two bar graphs below show information of the males and females who worked in Australia, Japan and Ireland between 2005 and 2015. Overall, all the proportions increased in both periods. But, the proportion of females are less than males in all three countries. The proportion of males and females in employment was increased in 2015 than in 2005 in both genders in three countries. In 2005, the number of males had the highest employment rate in Japan, nearly 75% and females ranked 2nd at about 30%. But, it slightly rose to 80% and 35% in ten years. Besides that, the proportion of males in employment in Australia significantly increased from 60% to 70%. The number of women who worked in Australia considerably rose from around 35% in 2005 to 55% in 2015. On the other hand, Ireland increased by approximately 2-5% for two genders in 2015 from 68% to 70% for males and 45% to 50% for female workers.
The two bar graphs below
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show
information of the
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males
and
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females
who worked in Australia, Japan and Ireland between 2005 and 2015.

Overall
, all the proportions
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increased
in both periods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
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proportion
of
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females
are less than
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males
in all three countries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in employment was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in 2015 than in 2005 in both genders in three countries.

In 2005, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
had the highest employment rate in Japan,
nearly
75% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
ranked 2nd at about 30%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it
slightly
rose to 80% and 35% in ten years.
Besides
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in employment in Australia
significantly
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increased
from 60% to 70%. The number of women who worked in Australia
considerably
rose from around 35% in 2005 to 55% in 2015.

On the other hand
, Ireland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
by approximately 2-5% for two genders in 2015 from 68% to 70% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and 45% to 50% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
workers.
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IELTS academic show information of the males and females who worked in Australia, Japan and Ireland between 2005 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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