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SDGs 10　solution and problem

SDGs 10　solution and problem 6KoOx
I chose SDGs 10 for writing topic. The purpose of SDGs 10 is eliminating disparities among people or countries. This problem happens in developing countries such as Africa and Asia. People who live in such nations can’t go to school because they don’t have enough money to live in daily life. Therefore, they don’t have the money which children can study at school. What is more, children have to help their parents to make crops and other things. The reasons why they can’t earn enough money are not only for themselves but also in trade with developed countries. Population of developing countries can’t export crops and other materials at normal prices. Since high tariffs are often imposed on their goods. However, people who live in developed countries can go to school and do bussines fairly. The difference has effects on their daily lives. (unicef, 2021) I have an idea to solve this issue. I focus on financial problem. I think that people who live in rich nations should treat specially in trade. If developed countries do that, countries where they don’t procced can get a large amount of money. However, this solution has a bad effect on other problems. Developed countries may donate developing countries. If this happen, developing countries are forced into a more unfavorable situation. All in all, it is clear that it is very difficult to solve this problem. Thus, we have to consider about this issue and find the best solution.
I chose
Possible spelling mistake found.
SDGs
10 for writing topic. The purpose of
Possible spelling mistake found.
SDGs
10 is eliminating disparities among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
happens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Africa and Asia.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in such nations can’t go to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in daily life.
Therefore
, they don’t have the money which children can study at school.
What is more
, children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
crops and other things. The reasons why they can’t earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in trade with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can’t export crops and other materials at normal prices.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
high tariffs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
imposed on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can go to school and do
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussines
fairly
. The difference has effects on their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. (
Possible spelling mistake found.
unicef
, 2021)

I have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to solve this issue. I focus on financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in rich nations should treat
specially
in trade. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they don’t
Possible spelling mistake found.
procced
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a large amount of money.

However
, this solution has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
may donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If
The verb 'happen' is plural. Did you mean: "this happens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this happen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are forced
into a more unfavorable situation.

All in all, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Thus
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Did you mean simply "consider this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about this
issue and find the best solution.
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IELTS academic SDGs 10　solution and problem

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
245 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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