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the percentage of females entering higher education in the years 1980 and 2015

the percentage of females entering higher education in the years 1980 and 2015 0aWRQ
The bar chart shows the percentage of females entering higher education in the years 1980 and 2015. The chart shows the percentages in five countries, the UK, the USA, Australia, South Korea and France. Overall, the proportion of women in higher education increased in the five countries. In general, there were more female students in 2015 than in 1980, with more than half of women in higher education in all of the countries apart from South Korea. In four of the countries, the percentage of women going into higher education rose. The most dramatic change was in South Korea, where the percentage doubled from 15% to 30%. The smallest change was seen in France, where the number increased only from 50% to 54%. The only country in which there was not an increase was Australia. Although the percentage of Australian women going into higher education remained the same at 58%, this was the highest in 1980 and equal highest with the USA in 2015. (164 words)
The bar chart
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shows
the
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percentage
of females entering higher
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education
in the years 1980 and 2015. The chart
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shows
the
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percentages
in five
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countries
, the UK, the USA, Australia, South Korea and France.
Overall
, the proportion of
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women
in higher
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education
increased in the five countries.

In general
, there were more female students in 2015 than in 1980, with more than half of
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women
in higher
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education
in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
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countries
apart from South Korea. In four of the
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countries
, the
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percentage
of
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women
going into higher
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education
rose.

The most dramatic
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change
was in South Korea, where the
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percentage
doubled from 15% to 30%. The smallest
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change
was
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seen
in France, where the number increased
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only
from 50% to 54%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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only
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country
in which there was not an increase was Australia. Although the
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percentage
of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
going into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
remained the same at 58%, this was the highest in 1980 and equal highest with the USA in 2015.

(164 words)
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IELTS academic the percentage of females entering higher education in the years 1980 and 2015

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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