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Rift valley fever affected people in Brazil, Japan and Mexico in 1915

Rift valley fever affected people in Brazil, Japan and Mexico in 1915 5a9mB
The line graph compares three various countries in terms of the proportion of affected people by a particular disease in 1915. In general, the number of people who infected by rift valley fever in Brazil rose steadily, while the index for Japan and Mexico witnessed a significant decrease during the given period, with the latter country showing some mild fluctuations. People suffering from the disease in Brazil saw a sharp increase with the figure going up by 800 from 200 to 1000 almost for the first half of the period. Despite staying constant at 1000 for a month, the disease sufferers in the same country experienced a considerable growth to about 1500 by the end of the year. The proportion of people contracted the disease in Mexico fluctuated mildly over the given period, reaching a high of 1150 in April and falling to a low of about 425 in December. The same figure for the Japanese registered a noticeable reduction from 1500 to 180 throughout the year, although the figure maintaining the same level at 800 between May and July.
The line graph compares three various countries in terms of the proportion of
affected
people
by a particular
disease
in 1915.

In general
, the number of
people
who infected by rift valley fever in Brazil rose
steadily
, while the index for Japan and Mexico witnessed a significant decrease during the
given
period, with the latter country showing
some
mild fluctuations.

People
suffering from the
disease
in Brazil
saw
a sharp increase with the figure going up by 800 from 200 to 1000 almost for the
first
half of the period. Despite staying constant at 1000 for a month, the
disease
sufferers in the same country experienced a considerable growth to about 1500 by the
end
of the year.

The proportion of
people
contracted the
disease
in Mexico fluctuated
mildly
over the
given
period, reaching a high of 1150 in April and falling to a low of about 425 in December. The same figure for the Japanese registered a noticeable reduction from 1500 to 180 throughout the year, although the figure maintaining the same level at 800 between May and July.
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IELTS academic Rift valley fever affected people in Brazil, Japan and Mexico in 1915

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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