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the weekly earning of male and female

the weekly earning of male and female x8qyb
The graph contrast the weekly payment between men and women who are graduated or non-graduated among various ages in pound, In details the group of men between forty and fifty nine who are educated were able to catch seven hundred pounds for each week that is much more than others. As chart indicates, The lowest money arrived to people who are not graduated between sixteen and nineteen by two hundred pounds, furthermore, The highest salary which is seven hundred gave to graduated men between ages of forty to fifty-nine, what is more, The group of non-educated men from thirty to fifty-nine earning approximately five hundred pounds every week, Also in the category of women in the chart which shows that in the age of twenty-five to fifty-nine in graduated we have the same prices fee which is four hundred pounds, surprisingly in both graduated or non-graduated women and men among ages of twenty to twenty-four the weekly earning is equal near to three hundred. In surmise men earning much more than women as chart illustrates, moreover, people who are graduated were able to catch more money in contrast by non-educated, also ages from forty to fifty-nine have the peak-est earning, In comparing group of sixteen to nineteen have the lowest one.
The graph contrast the weekly payment between
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men
and
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are graduated
or non-graduated among various
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ages
in pound, In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the group of
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men
between forty and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fifty nine
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who
are educated
were able to catch seven hundred pounds for each week
that is
much more than others.

As chart indicates, The lowest money arrived to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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who
are not graduated between sixteen and nineteen by two hundred pounds,
furthermore
, The highest salary which is seven hundred gave to graduated
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men
between
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ages
of forty to fifty-nine,
what is more
, The group of non-educated
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men
from thirty to fifty-nine
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earning
approximately five hundred pounds every week,
Also
in the category of
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women
in the chart which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in the
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age
of twenty-five to fifty-nine in graduated we have the same prices fee which is four hundred pounds,
surprisingly
in both graduated or non-graduated
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women
and
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men
among
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ages
of twenty to twenty-four the weekly
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earning
is equal near to three hundred.

In surmise
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men
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earning
much more than
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women
as chart illustrates,
moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are graduated
were able to catch more money
in contrast
by non-educated,
also
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ages
from forty to fifty-nine have the peak-est
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
, In comparing group of sixteen to nineteen have the lowest one.
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IELTS academic the weekly earning of male and female

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
211 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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