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reported number of cases about influenza at the year 1985 to 1995 in the UK

reported number of cases about influenza at the year 1985 to 1995 in the UK o82yq
The chart gives information about how many people from the age of 65 and above to have contracted influenza during the year 1985 to 1995 in a particular village in the UK. It can be seen in the graph that on the year 1989 until 1990, a major increase of the disease hit around 20 persons. In the following year, it continued to grow to almost 75 people- at the same time where those who caught influenza was at its peak. The number of cases then dropped gradually the next year with a little over 60. In contrast to the year 1991, 1985 has counted 40 people, as it is the lowest out of all years. The chart shows that it is fluctuated, as it started from 40 people then it rose to 55, and later on it decreased to a number of nearly 50. At the end, it remained at 60.
The chart gives information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the age of 65 and above to have contracted influenza during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1985 to 1995 in a particular village in the UK.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the graph that on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1989 until 1990, a major increase of the disease hit around 20 persons. In the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, it continued to grow to almost 75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people-
at the same
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
those who caught influenza was at its peak. The number of cases then dropped
gradually
the
next
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year
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over 60.

In contrast
to the
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year
1991, 1985 has counted 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as it is the lowest out of all years. The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that it
is fluctuated
, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
then it rose to 55, and later on it decreased to a number of
nearly
50. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it remained at 60.

IELTS academic reported number of cases about influenza at the year 1985 to 1995 in the UK

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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