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Number of Cases of Influenza Over The Age of 65 in The Year 1985 to 1990

Number of Cases of Influenza Over The Age of 65 in The Year 1985 to 1990 YyQ7n
The chart gives information about how a number of communities from the age of 65 and above to have contracted influenza during the year 1985 to 1995 in a particular village in the UK. It can be seen in the graph that on the year 1989 until 1990, a major increase of the disease hit around 20 persons. In the following year, it continued to grow to almost 75 society at the same time when those who caught influenza was at its peak. The number of cases then dropped gradually the next year with a little over 60. In contrast to the year 1991, 1985 has counted 40 people, as it is the lowest out of all years. The chart shows that it is fluctuated, as it started from 40 crowd then it rose to 55, and later on it decreased to a number of nearly 50. At the end, it remained at 60.
The chart gives information about how a number of communities from the age of 65 and above to have contracted influenza during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1985 to 1995 in a particular village in the UK.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the graph that on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1989 until 1990, a major increase of the disease hit around 20 persons. In the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, it continued to grow to almost 75 society at the same time when those who caught influenza was at its peak. The number of cases then dropped
gradually
the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over 60.

In contrast
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1991, 1985 has counted 40
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, as it is the lowest out of all years. The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that it
is fluctuated
, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 40
Possible agreement error. The noun 'crowd' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crowds".
crowd
then it rose to 55, and later on it decreased to a number of
nearly
50. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it remained at 60.

IELTS academic Number of Cases of Influenza Over The Age of 65 in The Year 1985 to 1990

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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