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percentages of elderly people in Canada, Germany, and the UK

percentages of elderly people in Canada, Germany, and the UK ndYbg
The graph details the percentages of elderly people in Canada, Germany, and the UK in the past with projections for the future. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that Elderly populations have risen and are predicted to continue to grow steadily in all countries. Germany has and will continue to have the highest proportion, while Canada will likely overtake the UK. In 1980, Germany had the greatest percentage of elderly at 15%, slightly above the UK and 5% higher than Canada. By 2000, percentages for Germany and Canada both surged by 5% (to 20% and 15%, respectively), compared to the UK which rose marginally to equal with Canada. By 2030, Germany is expected to rise by another 5% to 25%, with Canada surpassing the United Kingdom and finishing at 22% and the latter’s figures lagging behind slightly at just under 20%.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the percentages of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Canada, Germany, and the UK in the past with projections for the future. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that Elderly populations have risen and
are predicted
to continue to grow
steadily
in all countries. Germany has and will continue to have the highest proportion, while Canada will likely overtake the UK.

In 1980, Germany had the greatest percentage of elderly at 15%,
slightly
above the UK and 5% higher than Canada. By 2000, percentages for Germany and Canada both surged by 5% (to 20% and 15%,
respectively
), compared to the UK which rose
marginally
to equal with Canada.

By 2030, Germany is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to rise by another 5% to 25%, with Canada surpassing the United Kingdom and finishing at 22% and the latter’s figures lagging behind
slightly
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 20%.
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IELTS academic percentages of elderly people in Canada, Germany, and the UK

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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