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Report writing on the proportion of the population aged 65 and over.

Report writing on the proportion of the population aged 65 and over. VwGbO
The following statistical information available in the form of line graph throws light on the numerical figure of the people aged 65 and over during the year 1940 and 2040 in three Different countries. Taking first data into consideration, it is quite conspicuous that the static of people aged 65 and over was highest among the three countries at 9%, where as it was 6% in Sweden and 5% in Japan. Followed by an inclination to 10% in USA, 8% in Sweden and on the contrary, there was a plunge in Japan to 3%. Which then rose to 15% in the USA and 14% in Sweden, but remained constant in Japan with 3%. In the recent year 2020, the USA showed consistency remaining at 15%, soar in Japan’s population to 6% and whopping rocketing by Sweden to 19%. Which is anticipated to increase to 27% in the USA, 25% in Sweden, and 23% in Japan. To reckon with, it can be stated that the contribution in the population by the senior citizens was minimal in the past in all the countries, vacillating in the present, and expected to soar in the future.
The following statistical information available in the form of line graph throws light on the numerical figure of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 65 and over during the year 1940 and 2040 in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
countries.

Taking
first
data into consideration, it is quite conspicuous that the static of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 65 and over was highest among the three countries at 9%,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
it was 6% in Sweden and 5% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. Followed by an inclination to 10%
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, 8% in Sweden and
on the contrary
, there was a plunge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
to 3%. Which then rose to 15% in the USA and 14% in Sweden,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
remained constant in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
with 3%. In the recent year 2020, the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
consistency remaining at 15%, soar in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan’s
population to 6% and whopping rocketing by Sweden to 19%. Which
is anticipated
to increase to 27% in the USA, 25% in Sweden, and 23% in Japan.

To reckon with, it can
be stated
that the contribution in the population by the senior citizens was minimal in the past in all the countries, vacillating in the present, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to soar in the future.
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IELTS academic Report writing on the proportion of the population aged 65 and over.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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