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rate of unemployment in rural as well as urban areas

rate of unemployment in rural as well as urban areas ljaeK
The line graph represents the unemployment rate of Australia in rural as well as urban areas in the year 2012 which is divided into four different quarters namely, first, second, third, fourth. At first sight, we see the proportion of unemployed persons in rural areas is greater when compared with those of urban areas in all four quarters and the unemployment rate does not remain constant in any part of the year since the proportion sometimes is on an increase and sometimes it decreases gradually. Putting differently, the rate of person out-of-job in rural areas is maximum in first three months of the year with 6% whereas in urban areas its rate reaches the utmost to approximately 4% only in the second quarter but the minimum proportion of rural areas is 5% particularly in the second quarter and in urban areas, it is almost 2% which is quite lower than the rural areas. On the whole, we can say that the rate of unemployment is higher in rural areas than in urban areas and this may be because of the population in rural is greater than in urban.
The line graph represents the unemployment
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rate
of Australia in
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rural
as well
as
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urban
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areas
in the year 2012 which
is divided
into four
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different
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quarters
namely
,
first
, second, third, fourth.

At
first
sight, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the proportion of unemployed persons in
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rural
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areas
is greater when compared with those of
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urban
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areas
in all four
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quarters
and the unemployment
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rate
does not remain constant in any part of the year since the proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is on an increase and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it decreases
gradually
.

Putting
differently
, the
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rate
of person out-of-job in
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rural
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areas
is maximum in
first
three months of the year with 6% whereas in
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urban
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areas
its
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rate
reaches the utmost to approximately 4%
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only
in the second
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quarter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the minimum proportion of
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rural
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areas
is 5%
particularly
in the second
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quarter
and in
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urban
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areas
, it is almost 2% which is quite lower than the
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rural
areas.

On the whole
, we can say that the
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rate
of unemployment is higher in
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
than in
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urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and this may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the population in
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rural
is greater than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
.
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IELTS academic rate of unemployment in rural as well as urban areas

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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