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Quality of life score in Asia

Quality of life score in Asia 9wLg0
The above bar graph depicts the quality of life score index in Pakistan, India and Iran during the years 2018 and 2021. The score ranges between zero to 140. With regard to the score in the year 2018, it is highest in India (122. 09) and lowest in Iran (92. 43). Whereas, in Pakistan the figure is around 100. However, in 2021, life quality has worsened in India with the score lowering to 104. Similarly, in Iran there is a decline in the number to 64. On the contrary, there is improvement in the quality of lives of Pakistanis as shown by the score, which has risen to 105. To conclude, there has been worsening of life quality in India and Iran during the given period of 2018 to 2021. However, in Pakistan the trend remained positive.
The above bar graph depicts the
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quality
of life
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score
index in Pakistan, India and Iran during the years 2018 and 2021. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
ranges
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between zero and 140".
between zero to 140
.

With regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
in the year 2018, it is highest in India (122. 09) and lowest in Iran (92. 43).
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in Pakistan the figure is around 100.
However
, in 2021, life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
has worsened in India with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
lowering to 104.
Similarly
, in Iran there is a decline in the number to 64.
On the contrary
, there is improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of Pakistanis as shown by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
, which has risen to 105.

To conclude
, there has been worsening of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
in India and Iran during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of 2018 to 2021.
However
, in Pakistan the trend remained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
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IELTS academic Quality of life score in Asia

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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