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proportion of teenage people in higher education

proportion of teenage people in higher education xmBl6
The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of teenage people in higher education in four particular countries in the year 2000, 2005 and 2010. A cursory glance at the table is enough to make it clear that country D has the highest percentage of young people in the given three years. Overall, it can be seen clearly that country D has the highest proportion among the all countries in all given years. Even though there was a upward trend with the passing years in the country A, it reached maximum 62 %. As is presented in the bar graph, 38, 52, 62 % of teenage people has high education in the country A in the 2000, 2005, 2010 respectively. The almost half of teenager went to high school in country B in all years. In country C, 46 % of young people went to high school in 2000. After 2000, percentage of people increased slightly and reached 52 %. There is no change during the one decade. Country D has the most percantage with 64 % in 2000 compared to other countries. Although there was a inconsiderable change from 2005 to 2010, country D has still the most percentage of high school student.
The
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given
bar graph illustrates the proportion of teenage
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people
in higher education in four particular
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countries
in the
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year
2000, 2005 and 2010. A cursory glance at the table is
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enough
to
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make
it
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clear
that
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country
D has the highest percentage of young
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people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three years.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that
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country
D has the highest proportion among the all
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countries
in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.
Even though
there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend with the passing years in the
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country
A, it reached maximum 62 %.

As
is presented
in the bar graph, 38, 52, 62 % of teenage
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people
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
education in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
A in the 2000, 2005, 2010
respectively
. The almost half of
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teenager
went to
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high
school in
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country
B in all years. In
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country
C, 46 % of young
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people
went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school in 2000. After 2000, percentage of
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people
increased
slightly
and reached 52 %. There is no
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change
during the one decade.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
D has the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
percantage
with 64 % in 2000 compared to other
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countries
. Although there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
inconsiderable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from 2005 to 2010,
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country
D has
still
the most percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school student.
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IELTS academic proportion of teenage people in higher education

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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