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proportion of population aged 65 and over

proportion of population aged 65 and over gE6D
The line graph displays the percentage of the people aged 65 and above in three different countries(America, Sweden, and Japan) over a decade i. e. , from 1940 to 2040. Overall, there has been a significant rise in the percentage of people in the three countries when compared from 1940 to 2040. Initial analysis shows that from 1940 to 1980 there was a steady rise in the percentage of the people in America and Sweden that is from nine to 15(America), seven to nearly 14(Sweden). Whereas in Japan, from 1940 to 1960 there was a decrease in the percentage from five to nearly four and there was a period of stability from 1960 to 1980s. And from late 1980 to early 2020s the percentage has been raised from four to ten. As of from 1980 to 2000, there was a decline in the percentage in America and Sweden till 1990s and in the 90s to 2010s it was raised from 13 to 20 percent in Sweden, whereas in America there was a stable percentage from late 90s to late 2010s. While from the 2010s to late 20s has declined by two percent in Sweden, whereas in America it has been increased nearly by two percent. It has to be observed that from the late 20s to 2040 there is going to be a rapid increase in the percentage of people in the countries as America(23%), Sweden(25%), and in Japan(nearly 27%).
The line graph displays the
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percentage
of the
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people
aged 65 and above in three
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different
countries(America, Sweden, and Japan) over a decade
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
from 1940 to 2040.

Overall
, there has been a significant rise in the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the three countries when compared from 1940 to 2040.

Initial analysis
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shows
that from 1940 to 1980 there was a steady rise in the
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percentage
of the
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people
in America and Sweden
that is
from nine to 15(America), seven to
nearly
14(Sweden). Whereas in Japan, from 1940 to 1960 there was a decrease in the
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percentage
from five to
nearly
four and there was a period of stability from 1960 to 1980s. And from
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late
1980 to early 2020s the
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percentage
has
been raised
from four to ten.

As of from 1980 to 2000, there was a decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in America and Sweden till 1990s and in the 90s to 2010s it
was raised
from 13 to 20 percent in Sweden, whereas in America there was a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
90s to
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late
2010s. While from the 2010s to
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late
20s has declined by two percent in Sweden, whereas in America it has
been increased
nearly
by two percent. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be observed
that from the
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late
20s to 2040 there is going to be a rapid increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the countries as America(23%), Sweden(25%), and in Japan(
nearly
27%).
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IELTS academic proportion of population aged 65 and over

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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