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process of growing bananas

process of growing bananas gb59a
The diagram illustrates the process of growing bananas for selling in supermarkets. Overall, it can be obverse that there are seven stages beginning with growing and ending with displaying on the stalls in supermarket for customers. First of all, the banana trees are grown around 9 months to 1 years in either sunny day with 25-30 degree or long rainy day. After that, when the banana is still green, it is picked to become to checking stage. The bananas are classified, the bad ones are throwing away and the left is stored in 13. 3 degree and shipped to fridge where the bananas are ripped and be yellow. Follow this comes to delivery stage. The ripped bananas are put in lorries and delivered to supermarket. Finally, customers buy bananas when they are seeing in the stall.
The diagram illustrates the process of growing bananas for selling in supermarkets.

Overall
, it can be obverse that there are seven stages beginning with growing and ending with displaying on the stalls in supermarket for customers.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the banana trees
are grown
around 9 months to 1 years in either sunny day with 25-30 degree or long rainy day. After that, when the banana is
still
green, it
is picked
to become to checking stage. The bananas
are classified
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ones are throwing away and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
is stored
in 13. 3 degree and shipped to fridge where the bananas
are ripped
and be yellow.

Follow this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to delivery stage. The ripped bananas
are put
in lorries and delivered to supermarket.
Finally
, customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
bananas when they are seeing in the stall.
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IELTS academic process of growing bananas

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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