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Process graph showing different temperatures and annual hours of sunshine

Process graph showing different temperatures and annual hours of sunshine Orq3N
The line graph depicts the average monthly temperatures and the table shows the average number of hours of sunshine per year in the three major cities that is London, New York and Sydney. The average monthly temperature of New York is nearly 30 in the month of July which is high among the three cities in the month of July. Not only the monthly temperature but also the total annual hours of sunshine is also more in New York which is around 2535 hours. Sydney has average monthly temperature starting at 26 in the month of January and has slightly decreased till the month of July and then started increasing till the end of the year and has reached to the maximum of 25 at the end of January. It has also recorded the second highest annual hours of sunshine among the three cities which is 2, 473. London has average monthly temperature starting at 8 in the month of January and increased till the month of august and then declined by the end of the year and has reached to 9. The total annual hours of sunshine for London are 1, 180 which is the least among the three cities.
The line graph depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
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monthly
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temperatures
and the table
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shows
the
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average
number of
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hours
of
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sunshine
per year in the three major
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cities
that is
London, New York and Sydney.

The
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average
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monthly
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temperature
of New York is
nearly
30 in the
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month
of July which is high among the three
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cities
in the
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month
of July. Not
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only
the
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monthly
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temperature
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but
also
the total annual
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hours
of
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sunshine
is
also
more in New York which is around 2535
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hours
. Sydney has
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average
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monthly
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temperature
starting at 26 in the
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month
of January and has
slightly
decreased till the
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month
of July and then
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started
increasing till the
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end
of the year and has reached to the maximum of 25 at the
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end
of January. It has
also
recorded the second highest annual
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hours
of
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sunshine
among the three
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cities
which is 2, 473. London has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
starting at 8 in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of January and increased till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of august and then declined by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year and has reached to 9. The total annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
for London are 1, 180 which is the least among the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.

IELTS academic Process graph showing different temperatures and annual hours of sunshine

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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