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prices of tickets and attendance at different entertainment venues

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This bar chart demonstrates the attendance at entertainment venues and the prices to those venues. The venue with greatest attendance is the cinema, but it is the cheapest venue in comparison with sports and theme park venues. There is a drastic jump in attendance between theme parks and cinemas, almost a 600 thousand visitor difference between these two venues, on the other hand there isn't that of a difference between sports and theme park venues. When it comes to the prices of these venues, the one that is the most expensive is the sports one specifically Football game-ALS where a single ticket costs 75 dollars. Its price isn't far from the price of the theater venue, meanwhile the cinema is the least expensive out of all, where a single ticket costs 15 dollars, and the family ticket costs 55 compared to the hefty 298 dollars for a family ticket at the Football game-ALS, even a single ticket to that football game costs more than a family ticket to the cinema.
This bar chart demonstrates the attendance at entertainment
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venues
and the
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prices
to those
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venues
. The
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venue
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
attendance is the
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cinema
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the cheapest
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venue
in comparison
with sports and theme park
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venues
. There is a drastic jump in attendance between theme parks and
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cinemas
, almost a 600 thousand visitor difference between these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
,
on the other hand
there isn't that of a difference between sports and theme park
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venues
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
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prices
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
, the one
that is
the most expensive is the sports one
specifically
Football game-ALS where a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
75 dollars. Its
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price
isn't far from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the theater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venue
, meanwhile the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is the least expensive out of all, where a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
15 dollars, and the family
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ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
55 compared to the hefty 298 dollars for a family
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ticket
at the Football game-ALS, even a single
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ticket
to that football game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
more than a family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
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IELTS academic prices of tickets and attendance at different entertainment venues

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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