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male and female physical activity in Australia 2010

male and female physical activity in Australia 2010 pKW8D
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of male and female Australians in the case of doing physical exercises for six age groups in 2010. All the measurements are in percentage. Overall, around 50% of Australian adults were frequently physically active during 2010. However, the majority of females are more active than the male in the same age category. The highest proportion of physical activity belongs to middle aged women, while men aged 35 to 44 built up the least percentage. Between all the measured data, only 4 of them were more than 50%. Including 15 to 24 male, and female between 35 to 64 which involves three age categories. The difference between male and female activity is obvious in each age group except for elderly that are older than 65. The activity of men and women in this age range are approximately the same and around 47%. The physical activity of both male and females had a pattern of rise and fall. However, unlike females that had a slight increase followed by a low decay over age groups, the male diagram started by a sharp reduction for 2 age groups and then continued with a slight growth.
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of male and
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female
Australians in the case of doing physical exercises for six
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age
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groups
in 2010. All the measurements are in percentage.

Overall
, around 50% of Australian adults were
frequently
physically
active during 2010.
However
, the majority of
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females
are more active than the male in the same
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age
category. The highest proportion of physical
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activity
belongs to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
women, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
aged 35 to 44 built up the least percentage.

Between all the measured data,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4 of them were more than 50%. Including 15 to 24 male, and
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female
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 64".
between 35 to 64
which involves three
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age
categories. The difference between male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
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activity
is obvious in each
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
elderly that are older than 65. The
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activity
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in this
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age
range are approximately the same and around 47%.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
physical
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activity
of both male and
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females
had a pattern of rise and fall.
However
, unlike
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females
that had a slight increase followed by a low decay over
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the male diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by a sharp reduction for 2
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and then continued with a slight growth.
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IELTS academic male and female physical activity in Australia 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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