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popularity of five different leisure time activities

popularity of five different leisure time activities gbRV1
This chart studies the popularity of five different leisure time activities (skateboarding/rollerblading, bike riding, watching TV/videos, electronic/computer games & art and craft) between Australian children. Meanwhile, it’s taking into account inter-gender preferences. Even it’s obvious that boys tend to practice more diverse activities than girls, girls are more familiar with art and craft. However, almost all girls and boys have interests in TV and videos watching. Boys more attractive activities (skateboarding/rollerblading & bike riding) shows that up to 10% less girls are involved in such activities, while the percent for electronic/computer games is up to 20%. More than 1 of two girls dedicate time for art and crafts compared with just 40% of boys who do so.
This chart studies the popularity of five
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different
leisure time
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activities
(skateboarding/rollerblading, bike riding, watching TV/videos, electronic/computer games & art and craft) between Australian children. Meanwhile, it’s taking into account inter-gender preferences.

Even it’s obvious that boys tend to practice more diverse
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activities
than
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girls
,
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girls
are more familiar with art and craft.
However
, almost all
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girls
and boys have interests in TV and videos watching.

Boys more attractive
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activities
(skateboarding/rollerblading & bike riding)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that up to 10% less
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girls
are involved
in such
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activities
, while the percent for electronic/computer games is up to 20%.

More than 1 of two
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girls
dedicate time for art and crafts compared with
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just
40% of boys who do
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so
.
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IELTS academic popularity of five different leisure time activities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
117 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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