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Pie chart showing the budget of UAE in 2000

Pie chart showing the budget of UAE in 2000 2a2JM
The pie chart illustrates the expenditure of the government of United Arab Emirates on 10 sectors in 2000. Overall, the social security cost the highest while the lowest was on transportation. The largest portion of 100 billion was spent on social security in 2000 while 9 billion the least amount on transportation. On the other hand, a little above 50 billion was used to improve health and personal social services. However, 38 billion of the UAE budget was allocated to education which was higher than other expenditure with 15 billion and but similar to the amount spent on debit interest and defense 23 and 22 billion respectively. To maintain law and order in the society the cost was 17 billion which is almost same amount apportioned to housing, heritage and environment 15 billion. Finally, industry, agriculture and employment received 13 billion.
The pie chart illustrates the expenditure of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Arab Emirates".
of United Arab Emirates
on 10 sectors in 2000.
Overall
, the social security cost the highest while the lowest was on transportation. The largest portion of 100
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billion
was spent
on social security in 2000 while 9
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billion
the least amount on transportation.
On the other hand
, a
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little
above 50
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billion
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health and personal social services.
However
, 38
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billion
of the UAE budget
was allocated
to education which was higher than other expenditure with 15
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billion
and
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but
similar to the amount spent on debit interest and defense 23 and 22
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billion
respectively
. To maintain law and order in the society the cost was 17
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billion
which is almost same amount apportioned to housing, heritage and environment 15
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billion
.
Finally
, industry, agriculture and employment received 13
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billion
.
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IELTS academic Pie chart showing the budget of UAE in 2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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